"That Creature Called WOMAN"

Adapted

If you're well dressed, she thinks you're a playboy;
If you're not, she thinks you're rugged.
If you kiss her, you're not a gentleman,
If you don't, you're not a man.

If you're praising her, she thinks you're lying;
If you don't, you're good for nothing.
If you agree for all her likes, she's abusing;
If you don't, you're not understanding.

If you make romance, your're an experienced man;
If you don't, you're half-man.
If you visit her often, you're boring;
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing.

If you're a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait;
If you come on time, for hours she makes you wait.
If you propose love within bried acquintance, you're a fresh guy;
If you postpone it till late, she wonders why.

If you fail to assist her in crossing the street, you lack ethics;
If you do, she thinks it's man's tactics.
If you're jealous, she says it's bad;
If you're not, she doubts your love and doesn't like it.

If you attempt a romance, she says you don't respect her;
If you don't, she says you don't like her.
If you listen, she wants you to talk;
If you talk, she wants you to listen.

If you kiss her always, you're abusing.
If you kiss her once in a while, she says you're cold and nothing.
If you contradict her, she does not like it;
If you don't, she thinks you're gullible.

Oh! Thou art so simple...
Yet so complex to understand...
So weak yet proven conqueror...
So confusing but so desirable...